


Family, Familia, ‘Ohana

by satashii



Category: 9-1-1 (TV), Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Crossover, Evan "Buck" Buckley Whump, M/M, Not Beta Read, Timeline What Timeline, U.S. Navy SEAL Evan "Buck" Buckley, no beta we die like spartans, possibly unreliable narrators
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:55:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29472051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/satashii/pseuds/satashii
Summary: When one family seems lost another comes back from the past. But does Buck want to return to the past or live in the present? And does his present lead to a future he wants?  Only he can answer these questions but Steve at least will be there to support him.
Relationships: Daniel “Hondo” Harrelson & David “Deacon” Kay (if you squint), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 51
Kudos: 366





	1. Distress Signals

Chapter One: Distress Signals

_All at once_

_The world can’t overwhelm me_

_There’s almost nothin’ that you could tell me_

_That could ease my mind_

_**Danny** _

The low brrrr noise of a phone on vibrate ringing was irritating as Steve had set his phone down unattended on the corner of Danny’s desk before leaving for a meeting with the governor about budgets and how 5-0 needed to at least make a show of pretending to have one. Steve didn’t need to leave his phone (that was why there was the silence feature) but after the last disaster during a meeting with the governor and the irritation the elected official had expressed at not having the commander of 5-0’s full attention, Steve had all but been ordered to delegate phone-sitting duties to someone else on his team for the duration of the meeting.

All scheduled two hours of it.

Lucky Danny had won that duty. He could, theoretically, interrupt said meeting if there was something of importance going on.Steve wanting a rescue was not a valid reason per the last email Danny had gotten from the governor’s chief of staff either.

So—no interrupting unless a major crisis was happening.

And now Danny was snatching at the phone as it vibrated it’s way off the edge of his desk to bounce on the floor and then skitter under his desk.It had startled him by actually going off as the rest of 5-0 was all in their office and no calls had come through dispatch for them all morning.

Not to jinx anything... but it had been a bizarrely quiet day thus far.

Danny would like it to remain so for once.

Just once.

Please for the love of god—just one quiet day where he didn’t get shot at, shoot at anyone himself, or have any interaction with medical personnel.

Swearing, he ended up on his hands and knees to retrieve the blasted piece of technology.By the time he wrapped his fingers around the handset, whoever was calling had hung up. Annoyed, Danny sat back on his heels and swiped to open the phone, inputting Grace’s birthdate which Steve used as his password because it was the same one that Danny used on his own phone.

The number wasn’t in Steve’s contacts but it was an area code he didn’t immediately recognize. There was a notification about a missed call but there was also a text message from the same number.

The message simply said “Call me Smooth Dog!”.

Arching one eyebrow, Danny wondered which skeleton was crawling out of Steve’s closet now. Mentally, he tallied all the former or current military members that Danny had been introduced to over the last several years and came up blank on who it could be. Civilians—like him—didn’t call Steve by the moniker Smooth Dog so it had to be someone he knew from when he was active duty.

Danny was debating whether or not to call this person back when the phone notified him that the number was calling again. Whoever was calling was either impatient or it was potentially an emergency and Danny should answer. Tapping on the green answer button, he raised Steve’s phone to his ear.

“About time you answered,” a husky male voice groused before Danny could say anything.

“Ahem. This is Detective Danny Williams on Steve’s phone. Who is this?”

There was a crackle of static that disrupted the silence on the other end. “This is the famous Danno?”

Huffing in irritation, Danny scowled and looked in the direction of Steve’s empty office. “This is Detective Danny Williams.Now who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?”

Laughter erupted over the connection.It was a nice, full-bellied sound and Danny tried his best not to get more annoyed—resolving to wait out whoever this was. “Smooth Dog talks about you all the time,” was said more clearly after a cough that poorly concealed more laughter. “Well if you have his phone... can you please tell Steve to call Hondo? Today?”

“Hondo?Like the John Wayne movie?”

“Yeah. Like the movie. Tell Steve it’s important—about his favorite nephew.”

“Nephew?” Danny was confused.Steve had a niece not a nephew. And while Charlie did tend to call him Uncle Steve, Danny was pretty sure it wasn’t Charlie that this Hondo was referring to.

“He’ll know what I’m talking about.Please make sure he understands it’s time sensitive.”Hondo now sounded dead serious and some urgency crept into his voice.

“Sure.Hondo called about his nephew.”

“Sounds like you’ve got it Danno.”

Danny’s teeth made a creaking sound he clenched them so hard. “Please call me Danny.Danno is what my daughter calls me.”

More laughter. “I’ll try to remember that Detective Williams,” Hondo at least attempted to sound more normal but the snort of laughter at the end wasn’t.With a “later” the other man hung up without giving Danny the opportunity to say anything further.

Pulling the phone away from his ear, Danny stared at it as if it had more answers in frustration.

“Hey Danny?Who was that?” Kono asked from the open doorway, her long hair sweeping over her shoulder as she leaned into his office.

“I’m not sure.Some buddy of Steve’s,” he muttered in response as he beckoned her in, still staring at the phone screen which had gone dark from no activity.

The slight downturn of Kono’s lips told Danny that she was just as nervous as him about a buddy of Steve’s calling in the middle of the work day. The whole Bullfrog incident made all of them anxious about a repeat work-related appearance of former Seals.“What did they want?” Kono asked as she slid into the chair he kept opposite his desk, clutching at the cup of coffee in her hand.

“He said his name was Hondo—like the John Wayne film. And he said he was calling about Steve’s nephew.”Danny let the phone drop to rest on the desktop, exchanging it for a pen that he could twist in his fingers for something to do.

“Nephew?”The delicate way Kono’s face scrunched up in confusion made Danny feel better that she was as clueless as him.“But Steve doesn’t have any nephews...”

“I know.I’m just as in the dark as you.”

Danny hated not knowing and it pulled at him that there was another part of Steve’s past that was coming forward.

_Please let this not be another painful thing...._

***

_There’s a world we’ve never seen_

_There’s still hope between the dreams_

_The weight of it all could blow away with a breeze_

_If you’re waitin’ on the wind_

_Don’t forget to breathe_

_**Steve** _

The meeting with Denning had been like most meetings—Steve had gritted his teeth and fought off boredom for parts of it while having to defend his team’s spending patterns for the rest of it. He liked the governor but his attempts to curtail some of Steve’s methods at times made them at odds despite the man liking their results. Currently, Denning just seemed to want to make sure that Steve understood that he needed to make time for the man’s concerns—which Steve could do.

And maybe he’d try to keep their insurance rates down a bit.

Maybe.

Or Danno was going to give him hell about needing to see a dentist if he had to sit through many more budget meetings.

Walking back into the offices, Chin was at the computer table and sifting through some cold cases in boredom.There was no sign of either Danny or Kono.

“Steve,” Chin said absently, fingers flicking away a file before meeting Steve’s eyes. The Hawaiians man’s eyes were troubled and it immediately set Steve’s nerves at attention. “Danny’s been holed up in his office.There was a call.”

“A call?”Steve had stopped just next to the table, poised on the balls of his feet to stride towards Danny’s closed door.

Chin nodded. “Someone named Hondo.”At the name, Chin pulled up a file and opened it.

Chin had guessed right on who Hondo was—off of likely next to no information unless he’d traced the phone number. Steve wondered some days how Chin had developed these skills. Daniel “Hondo” Harrelson’s service record from the LAPD was displayed. The slight rise of one fine eyebrow told him that Chin was pleased that he’d gotten the name attached to the right person. It had been years since Steve had seen Hondo in person—marines weren’t usually attached to seal units but Hondo had spent some time on the same operations as his team and they’d socialized when in the same country or time zone on occasion.

But it had been a while.“Did he say what he wanted?”

Chin shrugged. “Danny took the call.”

Nodding, Steve turned to stalk towards Danny’s closed office door. “Thanks,” he threw over his shoulder.Chin may have Hondo’s public service records but it’d take more time and a higher security clearance to get anything other than that even if Chin was especially good at getting information he shouldn’t have access to.

Knocking on the door to Danny’s office, the door opened at the light touch. Danny had the lights off, just dimmedafternoon light coming in from the closed blinds which meant that he probably had another one of his stress headaches which made Steve worry. “Danno?” He called lowly.

“Yeah Babe?” Danny’’s voice sounded tired and Steve pushed the door open just enough to sneak through before closing it after him.

Danny was leaning over his desk, head pillowed on his arms and eyes closed, Steve’s cell phone clutched in one hand. “You okay Danno?”

Steve hovered uncertainly, wondering if he should get some ibuprofen or a glass of water. Danny had been having a lot of headaches as of late—Rachel’s push and pull custody arguments had kicked back up into higher gear yet again and the stress had been causing Danny’s insomnia to worsen which then caused sleep deprivation headaches.The deep shadows under Danny’s eyes had been telling and Steve had been badgering his partner into staying over later and more often, trying to shoulder some of the burden and provide emotional support.Clenching his jaw, Steve reminded himself that he couldn’t bribe Rachel and that it would likely backfire on Danny. He could play nice but Rachel was far from his favorite person even if she was necessary to have Grace and Charlie in Danny’s life.

“I’ll live.” Danny waved his hand and sat up to recline in his chair before rubbing his face with both hands. Blue eyes peeked out from his fingers and they zeroed in on Steve, his partner’s analytical brain already kicking into gear despite the headache. “You want to tell me who Hondo is?”

“He’s a friend.”Steve still didn’t take the other chair as he wasn’t sure he shouldn’t grab the ibuprofen from the med kit. “Do you need some ibuprofen?”

Another wave of the hand in dismissal. “A friend. A friend like Bullfrog?”

Steve grimaced at Nick’s name, a bad taste in his mouth. “No. Hondo’s one of the good guys.”

Danny didn’t look impressed at Steve’s denial. Nick had been an unfortunate misjudgment on his part. The Nick Taylor he’d known as a seal had changed—and not for the better. The Bullfrog he’d worked alongside for years would have always had his back but had transferred out of the seals three years before Steve himself had and they hadn’t been on the same team for almost five years during which Steve had become the commander of his own team with Freddie as his SIC.

The whole soldier-for-hire thing that Nick had going on wasn’t something that the Bullfrog he’d known would have done. The mess they’d ended up in had served as a painful reminder that people changed and life made you change. You made choices and sometimes you ended up on the opposite side of a gun barrel from your friends.

Danny had been watching him, gears turning in his head but he seemed willing to believe Steve’s word on Hondo.“So Hondo called—and I asked if it was like the John Wayne movie.”

Steve couldn’t help the chuckle that escaped, picturing Hondo’s reaction to explaining his nickname—which was partially related to John Wayne.Most didn’t pick up on the reference anymore but little escaped his Danno. “I’m sure he loved that.”

The dirty look that Danny shot him was confirmation. “As I was saying, like the movie.And then he told me to have you call him about your nephew. Which,” Danny made a flowing gesture with one hand at Steve, “to my knowledge you don’t have. Joanie is your niece.”

At the word “nephew” Steve’s spine straightened and his shoulders tightened. “My nephew?”There was only one man that Hondo could be referring to and Steve hadn’t heard anything from LA in a while that suggested trouble.

Danny cocked his head, gaze narrowing. “Your nephew.Now who might that be?”

“You don’t know him,” Steve held out his hand for his cell.

Danny pulled the phone out of reach. “Who is he?And why would he be in trouble?”

Sighing, Steve debated just diving for his phone but knew that Danny would likely fight him for it. Putting both hands on his hips he stood over Danny. “Can I have my phone?”

Danny didn’t like his non-answer. “Who is this nephew Steven?”

“He’s not really my nephew—it’s more of a joke than anything.”

“Doesn’t sound like a joke.Say the magic words Steven.”

Huffing at Danny, Steve held out his hand for his phone. “Please.”

Danny was being decidedly difficult and pulled the phone further out of reach. “Who’s your nephew?”

Steve made a grab for the phone and got a kick to his shin as Danny managed to hold it out of reach despite Steve’s longer reach. Glaring as he rubbed his leg and not willing to cause Danny’s headache to worsen, Steve growled at Danny. “His name is Buck.He’s one of my former teammates.”

“Buck?” Danny’s eyebrows had gone up.“Another nickname?”

Rolling his eyes at Danny, Steve sat in the other chair across from him. He wasn’t going to get his phone without giving Danny more information. “It’s a shortened form of his last name.He actually usually got called kid.”

“Kid?”

“He was the youngest guy on my team.”

Danny was playing with the phone in his hands, turning over the facts that Steve was giving him. “A seal?”

Nodding, Steve debated making another grab for his phone. “Yes.He got out of the navy after his first contract ended—wanted to actually feel like he was saving people more directly.”

“Admirable. But why’s this Hondo calling about him?Said it was time sensitive.”

“Hondo’s a former marine, works LAPD SWAT and Buck lives in LA last I heard.I’d have to call him to find out.” Steve gave a pointed glare towards his phone in Danny’s hands.

“SWAT?He as crazy as you?” Danny still wasn’t giving up the phone.

“No.He’s got a good team he works with though.Now can I have my phone?”

Danny looked almost ready to capitulate but he had one final question. “What kind of trouble could this Buck be in?”

Steve shrugged. “He’s a firefighter but he wouldn’t get himself mixed up in anything illegal—he’s too smart for that and not the type.”

“A firefighter?He went from seal to firefighter?”Danny looked as if he didn’t believe Steve.

Steve shrugged. “He wanted to help people—makes sense.”

Danny finally relented, passing over the phone. “You’ll tell me if I can help?”

“Yes Danno,” Steve promised.First he had to find out what was going on—it might not be anything to involve Danny in or it might be something more law enforcement related and Danny could help. Steve wouldn’t know until he called.

Danny’s skepticism was wounding but Steve supposed that it was realistic given past actions.He did have a habit of keeping Danny out of anything that it wasn’t absolutely necessary for his partner to be involved in—but that was for Danny’s protection. Danny had kids he needed to come home for and he didn’t need to get mixed up in all of Steve’s problems.That inner voice that sounded a lot like Danno reminded Steve to always have backup on the way and his lips quirked up into a small smile which just made Danny frown in suspicion. Before Danny could object, Steve thanked him and sprung to his feet.

He’d get Danny some ibuprofen before calling Hondo back.

***

Hondo answered on the first ring. “Smooth Dog,” was the drawled tease of his old nickname.

“Hondo,” Steve was smiling at the other man’s greeting. “How’s Hollywood?”

The snort of disgust was exaggerated and full of good humor. “Still crazy. How’s pineapple land?”

“Still full of pineapples,” Steve joked back before turning serious.Hondo wouldn’t have reached out like this unless something was going on. “What’s up with the kid?”

There was a pregnant pause over the line. “When’s the last time you talked to him?”

Uneasiness spread through Steve at the seriousness of Hondo’s tone contrasted with his good humored greeting. “It’s been a while.Got an email around christmas time and everything seemed to be going okay.He’s young and busy so sometimes it’s a while between chats.”

“Shit—you don’t know.The kid didn’t tell you?”

Steve bit the inside of his cheek, the uneasiness worsening with a sense of dread. “Know what? What would he have to tell me?”

“I’m sending you a news story link. Read it and call me back—me first not the kid,” Hondo ordered before hanging up.

Steve didn’t hesitate and put his phone down, moving the mouse to make his desktop computer wake and pulled up his email. There was an email from Hondo’s LAPD address in his inbox. The message was empty except for a link to a local LA news page.

The wait between clicking on the link and the page loading seemed longer than it actually was.

Steve sharply inhaled as he saw the headline: LA Firefighter Drops Wrongful Termination Lawsuit. Scanning the article, he sees Buck’s name and then there’s a link to another article. Firefighter Injured in Fire Truck Bombing, Bomber Caught After Standoff.

He fumbled slightly as he clicked on the second link which has archived video footage of the incident.

There’s a warning before the video plays that some of it’s contents may be disturbing and that young children should not watch. He ignores the warning and hits play.

Steve watches the news story in the growing horror of realization of what he’s about to see.

The news anchor talks but Steve’s eyes are pinned on the action going on over her shoulder. A fire truck is lying on it’s side and there’s a blonde firefighter pinned near the front with his leg under the truck, having been thrown during the explosion. The news footage is too grainy to tell who it is but Steve knows who it is. The reporter is focusing on the angry young man who’s wearing a bomb vest and someone else who’s trying to talk him down but Steve can’t look away from the crumped form on the ground that makes weak movements trying to pull himself out but just curls in pain each time he tries.

By the time that the bomber is neutralized it’s been three minutes of compressed video coverage—not real time. The news had kept filming as the firefighters tried to lift the truck off of Buck. They’re not successful until they call for more assistance and then onlookers—just regular people—stream forward to help. The video doesn’t show it but their combined effort obviously gets enough lift to pull Buck free and he’s swarmed by paramedics. The reporter is saying something about how good it is that people are helping and Steve can only stare at the form being lifted onto a gurney.

Steve rubs his hand over his face, staring at the video as it finishes but not listening to anything the reporter says. Reaching out he restarts the footage, watching from the beginning and trying to listen this time.

A series of mail bombs cumulating in the bombing of a fire truck. A suspended fire captain the one to talk the suicide vest wearer down. No mentions made of Buck’s name in the video but Steve knows who it is under that truck—he doesn’t need it confirmed.He’d know his teammate anywhere no matter how long it’d been.

He watches it a third time, hands clenched into fists and nails biting into his palms. The obvious pain of the pinned man and the weak wave he’d given once on the gurney that had made the crowd cheer for him, face obscured.

Why hadn’t Buck reached out?Surely he knew he could?While Buck had been closer to Freddie, Steve thought they had the type of connection where the kid would know he could depend on Steve if he needed help.But then again, the kid had always been weird about asking for help given how he’d grown up... Freddie would be livid if he was alive and Steve knew he needed to do something.

Going back to the first news story, Steve re-read it. There was Buck’s name as the person bringing suit against the LAFD and his captain—the man that had talked the bomber down. The news article didn’t reveal much as a lot of it was being kept from the public but the story was about two months old, the bombing just after the first of the year—a span of almost six months between the two articles.Buck had dropped the suit according to the article.

What had happened to the kid between the bombing and the lawsuit?Hondo obviously knew more if he was calling Steve.

Steve punched Hondo’s number with force into his phone. 

***

_Which way will you run_

_When it’s always all around you_

_And the feelin’ lost_

_And found you again_

_A feelin’ that we have no control_

_**Eddie** _

Pulling twenty four hour shifts were always tough—he’d started at noon and was on until tomorrow. There had been a call earlier for a small house fire but he’d been able to sit down and not have to inhale the casserole that Buck had made for them.It hadn’t escaped Eddie’s notice that it was his favorite and he’d had a brief moment where he’d almost went to look for Buck before he’d stopped himself.He wasn’t ready to talk to Buck like they used to—he knew that. His anger hadn’t yet simmered down to a level where he wasn’t going to say something he didn’t mean or, worse yet, shove Buck further away.

His anger had been out of control lately and he’d been struggling. Buck’s return hadn’t made it any easier as he hadn’t been able to sneak out to any of the fights that Lena had shown him to blow off some steam for several days. This morning, he’d had to hold onto his temper with both hands when Cristopher had asked if Buck was ever going to come for dinner again.

He needed time. 

Time to figure out how to get over this anger that he barely had control over. That outburst he’d had at the grocery store before Buck came back?It had made him certain that the best policy was going to be avoiding Buck until he could figure out how to be just a coworker because leaving himself vulnerable again wasn’t an option.

He’d already said so many things he regretted—that had leaked out in moments of weakness. Barbed comments. Nasty things. Thoughts that he’d normally never give voice to.

Eddie knew he just couldn’t keep leaving himself vulnerable to people in his life abandoning him or betraying him.Shannon. Buck. His parents. All of them had emotionally wounded him for a time but he’d gotten his shit together enough to keep his priorities clear.

Cristopher was priority numero uno.

Always.

Eddie was on clean up duty and collecting the plates and detritus of the meal when he heard steps on the stairs. Expecting Hen or maybe Chimney, he didn’t turn around as he dumped dishes into the dishwasher, sink running as he’d placed a few things in it to soak. “You came to help?”

The throat clearing made him look.Two men stood behind him, both with badges on their belts that were visible but in street clothes.A white man and a black man. The white man was maybe ten years older than Eddie and he had the lazy stance that made the bruises on Eddie’s knuckles hurt—all the deadly grace of a trained fighter who was always ready for a fight.Something about the man just screamed military but the scruff on his cheeks and hair was too long to be just a regular soldier.The black man was all contained intensity but his expression was friendly. Both of them had enough muscle to make Eddie feel sized up and found wanting.

The black man looked vaguely familiar but the white guy didn’t ring any bells. “Can I help you?” He asked as he grabbed a towel to dry his hands.

“I’m looking for your captain,” the black man spoke, voice even and reasonable. Non-threatening and designed to put whoever he was speaking to at ease. “He around?”

“He’s in his office—probably finishing up the paperwork from the last call,” Eddie told them, wondering who they were but pointing with his chin towards Bobby’s office door that was open just a sliver. Cops looking for Bobby meant something was up or it would just be Athena wanting to talk to her husband.

The two didn’t say anything and just turned and headed directly for Bobby’s office and entered after a single knock.The door didn’t close completely as it rarely ever got shut and the hinges probably needed some attention.

Eddie didn’t mean to overhear but he could clearly hear Bobby greeting the two men and introducing himself when he shut off the water faucet, eyes locked on the mostly closed door.

“—Bobby Nash. What can I do for you?”

“....Evan Buckley.....” was less clear except for the familiar name. Wasn’t the black man speaking this time—voice was different so had to be the white guy. At Buck’s name, Eddie’s interest was piqued and he carefully set down the casserole pan to soak and began re-drying his hands but taking a few steps closer to Bobby’s office. What did these guys want with Buck?

“...so he’s off duty as of 1900?” The black man asked.

“Yes.I’m uncertain if he had plans this evening,” Bobby responded. “If you could give me more information I might be able to help.Buck has been part of this firehouse for almost three years and all of us are as close as family.”

There was a pause before the white guy spoke up. “We’re unable to disclose more information at this point, Captain.If we have more questions we’ll be in touch.”

“Of course.”

Bobby sounded neutral but Eddie’s mind was racing.Questions?What sort of questions?From two cops that weren’t familiar? What trouble had Buck landed in?Eddie’s heart rate picked up and his hands twisted in the towel.

Belatedly, he realized he needed to look busy and attempted to look like he was wiping down the table that still had a few dirty dishes on it as the door to Bobby’s office swung fully open. They had to pass past Eddie to reach the stairs and the white man paused, looking Eddie up and down.

“You should tape your hands next time,” he commented before leaving, his boots making hardly any sound.He walked like some of the special warfare operators Eddie had encountered in Afghanistan.

Eddie’s eyes dropped to his hands. The bruising on his hands was pretty obvious what it’d come from.Whoever that dude was he was observant and alarms were going off in the back of Eddie’s head.

And they’d needed to talk to Buck—about something. Something they couldn’t disclose the details of to Bobby—Buck’s boss.

The anger he’d been preoccupied with had vanished and been replaced by anxiety.

Was Buck in trouble?

***

_What about is gone_

_And it really won’t be so long_

_Sometimes it feels like a heart is no place_

_To be singing from at all_

_**Buck** _

Buck’s hands were white knuckled he was gripping the bottle of beer so tightly that he wouldn’t drop it over the edge despite the fine tremor in his hands that he’d been noticing more often as of late when he wasn’t at work. He’d grabbed a six-pack on the way home from shift and immediately headed up to the roof of his apartment building just wanting to be away from everybody—that way he couldn’t be ignored or found easily.

The loneliness was the worst of the consequences for his actions. It tore at him along with the casual freezing out that his ~~family~~ coworkers had perfected over the last six weeks. Or if they weren’t talking to him they were critiquing his work—which was almost worse but at least then they were speaking to him.

He’d thought getting his job back and dropping the lawsuit would have smoothed things over.Healed the hurts on both sides as he was giving up everything to have his job and family back.

Buck had been so spectacularly and fantastically wrong about that and now he had to deal with the consequences.

_My House, My Rules._

Bobby’s ultimatum sat heavy in his belly, the beer not mixing well with the emptiness within Buck. He’d had next to no appetite and it wasn’t like anyone was happy sharing their meals with him. The number one rule the last six weeks had been to avoid the kitchen when anyone else was there—especially Bobby.Bobby would let him have a bite but would pointedly leave instead of eating whatever he’d prepared if Buck was there. Or worse—he’d stay, inhale his food and then leave the dishes for Buck to clean up without looking at him other than to give him the order to clean up.

Growing up, Buck had learned over time which actions would get him backhanded by his father but at least that had been some sort of attention even if had been negative. What was worse was the uncaring, casual ignoring or silence. The way that at times he’d felt like a ghost in his own family home, afraid of saying the wrong thing, doing the wrong thing or just being noticed.He’d sworn to himself that he’d never do that again—that he was a person too and deserved to havea real family like everyone else. A real family. A normal one like everyone else. That he wasn’t... that he wasn’t unlovable. Unwanted.

He had to believe that. Abby had loved him—at least somewhat even if it hadn’t worked out like he’d wanted it to.Maddie said she did but she was too preoccupied right now and was angry with him too.And Eddie....

God _Eddie_.

Buck took a deep pull off the lukewarm beer, trying not to let loose the sob that felt stuck in his throat.

Eddie hated him now.Wouldn’t let him near Christopher. Because Buck had proven that he was just as bad as Shannon in Eddie’s eyes. Buck had chosen his job over Eddie and Christopher. Had told private things to the lawyer that had been used against him.Painful, private things that had only been shared between them in an intimacy that was more than what Eddie had shared with Shannon.

Buck had _betrayed_ Eddie in his eyes.

Retrospectively, Buck should have anticipated this. He knew Eddie—better than almost anyone. They had, after a brief rocky introduction, just clicked into sync with each other so much that Buck had wondered why he hadn’t always been with Eddie by his side—two halves of a whole. The snapping of that link, the falling out of synchrony, the silence between them no longer full of nonverbal communication had been deafening to him.The way Eddie held himself so they never even casually brushed against one another, the way he didn’t let Buck see what was going on... the withholding of the physical and mental connection made him feel like he was slowly emotionally bleeding out rather than from the blood thinners he was taking.

The sound of a fire engine’s siren echoed through the night, overpowering the constant sound of LA traffic from the nearby highway. The smell on the air tonight was clean but Buck thought he could still scent the smoke that had covered the team as they’d returned from another call out that he hadn’t been allowed to go on.He’d spent the end of his shift cleaning out the truck and ambulance while everyone else had showered and sat down for a well deserved meal he’d thrown into the oven while they’d been gone.

Today had been just like every other day as of late.The act of cleaning was meditative and metaphorical. Maybe he could scour away his mistakes like he did the dirt and grime that came from doing their jobs.

A job that used to mean everything to him. A job that he took pride in. That was part of his identity—his core.

A job that felt like it was killing him now.

He’d chased every possibility to get back to here but had ended up with only the ashy remains of his former life breaking apart in his hands. His hands that were a liability—he was only allowed out on calls that were almost guaranteed to not be anything other than routine. No danger. No need for his skills.

He was given the same tasks a probie would get but none of the mentoring or camaraderie.

After all, Bobby had reminded him— ** _his house, his rules_**. And it was more than obvious that Bobby still didn’t trust Buck to stay safe or out of trouble.Buck was only allowed back for the bare minimum so he couldn’t file another lawsuit—even if that went unsaid. Chimney and Hen had, at first, tried to minimally help him out but he had bristled when Eddie made a comment about how they were helping out the traitor and he’d asked them to not interfere.

Chimney and Hen had backed off and rarely sought him out anymore, avoiding his eyes when he entered rooms, avoiding any possibility of confrontation.He’d asked for space—not to be ignored completely but that is how they both took it. Choosing to follow Bobby’s example of non-interaction. Buck had debated trying to talk to them but didn’t know how to start the conversation over since things had gone on this long like this.

But today?Today had been the straw that broke the camel’s back.

He’d overheard Bobby inviting Eddie to bring Cristopher for a family dinner night, saying that everyone else had already accepted.

Everyone except Buck—who hadn’t been invited.

He was no longer included in the family and it had hit him all at once, his chest seizing up tight and making it hard to suck air in and out as he mopped the floor just around the truck from where Eddie and Bobby were talking.

Breathe Buck, he told himself. In and out.

You would think after six weeks of being shut out that it wouldn’t hurt so much to be excluded from just one more event. One more gathering. One more family meal. But this one? It’d felt like he’d been gutted with one of their saws, the blade dull from use and just slowly tearing him apart.

Somehow he’d finished the last hour and a half of his shift without having to speak to anyone and, when the time was up, just faded away after changing out of his uniform. He hadn’t bothered to say goodnight to anyone as the rest of the team had been eating the casserole he’d made and he could hear their raucous discussion echoing through the fire house.

He felt so cold despite the warm air temperatures and the alcohol hitting his blood stream.Emptying the beer, he opened another one—his third and half of what he’d bought. He wanted to be drunk—to black out. To feel numb. Anything but how he felt right now.The beer normally wouldn’t have done it but he was feeling distinctly tipsy—he’d lost more weight than he should have.

But who was there that would care?It’d been years since he’d had a team that he thought had his back no matter what he’d do...

There was a light noise from someone’s feet stepping on the seam where the roof had been patched—Buck only knew about it since he’d been spending so much time up here. Craning his neck, he was shocked when he saw who it was.

“Steve?”Buck would not later admit to how much his voice had cracked in disbelief.Steve should be a couple thousand of miles away in the land of pineapple and hula.

“Hey kid,” was the gruff greeting as Steve sat next to him pointedly gesturing to the six pack.“There one in there for me?”

Nodding dumbly, Buck fumbled and handed one to Steve.Steve looked good, dressed in civies but moving with the swaggering ease of a long time operator. “What’re you doing here?”

Giving a twist to remove the cap, Steve took a sip and made a face.There were more lines from squinting in the sun than there had been the last time Buck saw him—more laugh lines too like life had been kind to his former commander.The ease in the other man’s body language immediately made Buck want to relax—Steve had his back and was here like an old security blanket. “You need better taste in beer.”

Opening and closing his mouth at the non-answer, Buck’s thoughts were a bit slower than usual. “Sorry—not all of us love longboards.Plus it’s LA,” he gestured to the city around them.“We don’t drink a lot of Hawaiian beer here.”

“Good point,” Steve allowed, taking another drink. “Not terrible but not a longboard.”

Picking at the label of his generic, Mexican brand beer that he’d bought because it was cheap and the first thing he’d seen in the beer fridge at the store. Buck dropped his eyes to his hands.He’d been biting his nails due to his anxiety levels being so high and they were down to almost nothing, his cuticles cracking from the abuse. Steve didn’t elaborate, letting the silence stretch out between them and making Buck feel compelled to try and fill it. “Not that I’m not glad to see you—because I am....but why are you here?”

Out of the corner of his eye, Buck could see that Steve was studying him.Dark eyes were taking in each inch of Buck and making a detailed assessment—he wasn’t going to be able to hide much of his situation from Steve and Buck idly wondered how many minutes it would take for Steve to get everything out of him.It’d been years since he’d seen Smooth Dog—his old commander. Four years now?He’d spent about five or six months bartending around South America between the navy and attending fire school. Buck had been young to make it through BUD/S and he’d not re-upped when it came to committing to the navy. 

He knew his old commander had been supportive of his decision but Buck’d been at loose ends when he got out and hadn’t really kept in close touch after Freddie had died and then Steve had gotten out himself and gone into the Reserves—Buck may be out of the loop but even he had heard about that whole disaster and how Steve’s father had been killed because of a mission. They still sent each other the occasional odd email once or twice a year but that was about it. Buck had left that life behind him and Steve and the others had also seemingly moved on.

Buck could see that he had a pattern developing. Get close to someone and then leave—either them or himself. He hadn’t left the 118 yet but it definitely felt like they had left him emotionally.It was like they’d broken up with him and he was the ex-boyfriend who wouldn’t get a clue that he was unwanted now.

But what was Steve doing her? And more specifically why now of all times?

“I got notice that you’d been in some trouble—thought I’d check in on you,” Steve said after taking another drink of his beer.

Buck’s shoulders hunched protectively and he set his beer aside to have his hands free, waving them in denial. “I’m fine.”

The unimpressed look on Steve’s face said that Buck wasn’t really being too convincing. “I heard about the lawsuit—and the whole bomb and ladder thing.Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m back to work now,” Buck insisted, aware his lower lip was trembling so he bit it to hid the tremor. “Really I’m fine.”

Steve was silent for a few moments. “Are you?Are you really—because don’t take this wrong but you look terrible Buckaroo.Freddie would find a way to come back from the dead and kill me if I believed that.”

He wasn’t going to cry in front of his former commander—someone who he’d always respected and years ago would have counted as his older brother who had been closer and more loyal than blood. The use of his nickname coming from Steve... and the mention of Freddie...it felt like one of the last tentative strings holding him together broke and he knew he was crying and burying his face in his hands, trying to hide his weakness.

The soft swear and noise of beer bottles being set aside were the only warning before Buck was being engulfed in a warm hug and his face tucked into the angle of Steve’s shoulder and neck.He went willingly and just gave in—between the alcohol, lack of calories and sleep his defenses were severely weakened.

The quiet shushing noises and calls of his name were soothing and he just let loose.One of Steve’s hands was tangled in his hair as it cupped his head and he took it as permission to hide in the other man’s neck.The scent of soap, ocean salt and cologne was familiar from years ago and it settled something in him as his own hands twisted in Steve’s shirt to anchor him. The warmth of a man that he trusted, that had never let him down when so many others had.

“I’ve got you kid. We’re going to get you through all this—whatever it is,” Steve promised him, rocking slightly. Buck didn’t have the energy to reply, just burrowed into Steve like a child—exhausted and defenses down. Instinctively he knew that he could trust his former commander and that nothing had changed since the day Buck had left the seals for a civilian life.

“I’ve got you Buckaroo.I’ve got you....”


	2. Options and Interventions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve worries and plans. Buck is borrowed. Eddie is distraught. Danny meets Steve’s “nephew”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings this chapter: Eddie is sleep deprived and emotional, more Buck emotional whump.

Chapter Two: Options and Interventions

_Well I was sitting, waiting, wishing_

_You believed in superstitions_

_Then maybe you’d see the signs_

_But lord knows that this world is cruel_

_**Steve** _

It didn’t take long for Buck to fall asleep in Steve’s arms.

The younger man that he viewed like a kid brother hadn’t changed much since the last time he’d seen him but the changes that Steve did note were worrying.The angles of Buck’s face were too razor sharp and through the thin t-shirt Steve could feel spaces between the ribs that shouldn’t be there, the sharp curve of elbow and thinness to the wrists making them appear more delicate than they should be. The dark bruises under the eyes and the chill to the skin spoke to too much stress and too little sleep along with the fine tremor in the muscles as Buck’s body tried to keep him warm in the night air.

Buck looked like he’d been in country on a mission for months and was on his last legs—not like he’d been living at home with access to all the food and drink he could need. California wasn’t the sandbox.

Buck had not been taking care of himself—and Steve had been one of the people responsible for drilling that lesson into the younger man until it stuck.That sort of lesson only broke down in severe circumstances—circumstances which Steve still needed Buck to fully illuminate for him. Steve had stopped at the firehouse just long enough to ascertain that Buck wasn’t on duty before heading for his home address with a bad taste in his mouth from the brief interaction he’d had with a Captain Robert Nash.

That other firefighter he’d spoken with had also had marks on his hands from fighting—what exactly was going on at Buck’s work?Suspicion slowly burned in the back of Steve’s mind but concern pushed it down.

Buck hadn’t stopped shivering and it began to worry Steve. Managing to stand with a limp Buck in his arms, he slung Buck’s too slight weight over his shoulder and then grabbed the carton of beer with his free hand. Hondo held open the door to the stairs, having just stayed out of sight for Buck’s breakdown.

“You got him?” he asked Steve quietly, eyes worried.

“I got him.Get the doors.”

Buck had left his apartment door unlocked with his keys on the kitchen counter.Steve and Hondo had already briefly looked over the place before Steve had Chin ping Buck’s cell phone location which had led them to the roof.

Steve made a mental note to thank Chin later as he entered the loft apartment, Hondo following him and locking the door after them so they wouldn’t have any unannounced visitors. Buck’s apartment was spotless and neat, decorations and furniture running on the sparse yet functional side. Noting the bed was in the loft, Steve decided the couch would be better—he didn’t want a drunk Buck falling down the stairs and re-injuring himself.

Carefully setting Buck down, hand cradling the younger man’s head so it didn’t hit the armrest and then rearranging the long limbs so he appeared comfortable. Hondo had retried the duvet and a pillow from the bed up in the loft and they tucked it around him. The shivering slowed and then stopped, making something release in Steve’s chest as he knelt next to the couch unsure what else to do.

Hondo’s frown when he met Steve’s eyes was troubled. “I thought firefighter houses were like extended family.Who’s been watching out for the kid?”

“I don’t know,” Steve muttered as he carded a hand through Buck’s hair making him snuffle down into the blankets he was cocooned in. “But whoever is supposed to be doing it isn’t doing it very well.”

“I’m going to make a few calls,” Hondo told Steve before stepping into the kitchen to give him a semblance of privacy.

Steve frowned at Buck.When he’d called Hondo back he’d gotten just a few more details.Hondo had overheard randomly a mention about a firefighter dropping his lawsuit against the city and LAFD along with Buck’s name. Knowing the kid through a few nights out in LA when they’d been passing through while with the navy, Hondo had done a bit more investigating and asked his SIC to make further inquiries while he was busy with Steve.

The information was bare bones but it seemed that Buck had won a wrongful termination lawsuit and then turned down the settlement in favor of return to full employment with the LAFD.Both Hondo and Steve knew what that meant—Buck would have a tough time returning to the same station as most who returned to their jobs after these types of lawsuits ended up regretting it. Hostile work environments were common and there was little recourse for someone wanting to reintegrate when their coworkers were against it.

The offered monetary settlement had been impressive but it didn’t surprise Steve that Buck had turned them down. Buck—in every email or phone call—had lived and breathed his new career. The excited way he’d talked about the first few rescues when Steve had been checking in on him more regularly had been rapturous. The kid had found his true calling and Steve had relaxed a bit and not followed him as closely.

That had been a mistake, evidently.

He wouldn’t be repeating it.

The silence and no updates since Christmas, in retrospect, had rung all the alarm bells in Steve’s mind and he was glad he’d followed his instincts to know he should check up in person instead of simply calling.Buck had a habit of downplaying any difficulties he encountered and he’d never outgrown the habit. If Steve had just called... Buck would have denied his current situation.Kid’s pride wouldn’t let him do any different and he was just as mule-headed as Steve when it came to saying that he was “fine”.

The hollowness to Buck’s cheeks and the paleness of his skin in the dim light from the kitchen made Steve’s hackles rise. Buck shouldn’t look like this.He let his anger simmer but he didn’t have a direction to force it in yet.He had suspicions but no confirmation—Buck would have to give the details of what had happened.

Hearing a soft whimper, Steve checked for the source of discomfort. Buck’s face was slightly scrunched and there was a few jerking movements to his hands as if he were fighting something but trying to hold himself still. Moving closer, Steve resumed running his hands through Buck’s close shorn hair and letting his fingers comb the hair. “Shh... I’ve got you.Smooth Dog is here and I’ve got your six.It’s okay and you’re safe kid,” he repeated over and over.

It seemed to work and Buck quieted down after a minute, face smoothing back into sleep. The kid looked so young like this and made Steve feel old and tired. His cell phone buzzed in his pocket with a text.

_Did you find your nephew?_

Danno was obviously still miffed about how little Steve had told him—going so far as to keep up the illusion that Buck was his nephew despite knowing it was untrue.Steve’s vague explanation of going to check on Buck hadn’t gained him any points with Danny nor had his explanation that he was leaving Danny in charge of 5-0 until he got back. Danny had been ready to come with him and hadn’t taken being left behind very well. The memory of the last time he’d left Danny behind and in charge had fouled the air between them when Steve had left—but at least he’d told Danny he was leaving this time. He hadn’t repeated that mistake.

 _I did.He’s okay for the moment but I have some things I need to do_ , Steve texted back.

The response was immediate and the dots showed that Danny was typing more.

_For the moment?What things?_

Steve sighed, glancing down at Buck again who was out like a light. The kid needed this sleep.His phone buzzed with another incoming text. 

_Are you sure you don’t need me to come to LA?_

Smiling at Danny’s offer, Steve replied that he’d talk to him in the morning and he was looking at getting settled for the night. Hopefully Danny would take that as him checking into a hotel or staying with Hondo.Steve wasn’t sure how to explain this over text and he didn’t want to call Danny if Buck was asleep—which he desperately was in need of and Steve shouldn’t disrupt it.

The quiet murmur of Hondo’s voice from the kitchen was intermittent and Steve got the impression that he was getting information from Deacon. Steve was curious as to what the other officer had been able to unearth but he was too tired from the flight and finding Buck to get up at the moment. Sitting down with his feet spread out away from the couch and his back resting against it, he leaned back so he could keep up with stroking Buck’s hair.

Danny had always told him that from the moment they’d met that he thought Steve was a touch starved Neanderthal with the prevailing theory being that it was something seals were taught.Given how Buck practically curled up into his touch, Steve thought that Danny might have a point there.

Buck was such a bright personality and Steve could remember how he’d used to flinch from even casual touches given by Freddie who’d made it a personal mission to mold their newest frogman into a true seal. Freddie had hated how Buck seemed to brace himself for a hit each time he just casually patted him on the back or slung an arm around his shoulders in a congratulatory hug. They’d never outright asked Buck but they’d had their suspicions about his childhood.

Another symptom had been that he rarely asked for help when he was struggling but usually would pause, reassess and then complete things on his own. Which was good when you’re in the field and help is a long ways away but was a problem when it came to minor things when surrounded by people able and willing to help. It was hard to watch the kid struggle to accept help but he’d been doing well by the time he left Steve’s command. The loss of Freddie had been terrible for Steve but he knew it had been just as tough for Buck.

Danny had been after Steve for a long time about therapy—which he still didn’t think he needed despite Danny’s remarks to the contrary—but maybe it would benefit Buck. Steve wasn’t sure what was going on but Buck’s mental state seemed to have deteriorated.He’d seen a lot of good men—and a few woman—broken with things like PTSD and depression. Steve knew that therapy could help and he silently vowed to make sure Buck at least had options.

Hondo’s steps were audible on purpose as he left the kitchen to join Steve—his calls done.He didn’t say anything, just looked with concern at Buck.

“What did you find out?” Steve asked, keeping his voice low so not to wake Buck.

“Not much more.Deacon talked with the city’s lawyers—said the kid was adamant about wanting his job back and ignored his lawyer’s advice.When they agreed to re-hire him he turned down the settlement in exchange for returning to active status.The lawyer said that they had the most trouble getting an agreement with his Captain.The man was very concerned about putting Buck in the field.”

“Did the lawyer know why?”

Hondo’s gaze was heavy where they rested on Buck. “He didn’t want to tell Deac...”

“But?”

“He implied that the kid was a risk.His medical status was a risk and the Captain didn’t want him getting hurt again.”

Steve frowned, Buck was underweight and stressed but that wasn’t a reason—it was an outcome. Kid might have a bad habit of throwing himself into things but that wasn’t a medical problem.“Did he?”

“He also chatted with Kid’s surgeon who said that he was one of his success stories.Kid should have a permanent limp but his progress was good and he was back to full activity. Surgeon said he was cleared for duty from his standpoint.”

“So why the holdup?”

Hondo shrugged.“Deacon’s still looking into things but probably won’t have anything further tonight—I told him to go home to his family and we’d pick things up in the morning.”

Steve didn’t say anything for a moment. Hondo’s relationship with his second was, in many ways, a lot like his with Danny albeit a lot less argumentative. Deacon Kay was a good man and had been Hondo’s partner for almost a decade now and they often functioned as two parts of a whole. If Deacon hadn’t been able to chase any new information out then there probably wasn’t much more for them to find without legal orders from a judge. “Meet me back here in the morning?”

“I’ll bring breakfast,” Hondo easily agreed. “You going to be okay with him?”

“We’ll be fine.”Steve would make sure and Danno would help he thought as he continued to card his fingers through the kid’s close shorn blonde hair. He was sure Danno was going to adopt Evan on sight.

***

_Ah, maybe you’ve been through this before_

_but it’s my first time, so please ignore_

_The next few lines ‘cause they’re directed at you_

_I can’t always be waiting, waiting on you_

_I can’t always be playing, playing your fool_

_**Buck** _

He couldn’t remember falling asleep on his couch or getting down off the roof. How much beer had he drunk last night?He had a mild headache but other than a dry mouth he felt better and more rested than he had in ages. As he shook the cobwebs from his brain and stared at the back of his couch he remembered he’d had this weird ass dream that his old commander—Lt Commander Steve McGarrett—had shown up and been supportive.

Which made no sense since he hadn’t talked to his old commander in months.

But maybe the dream of ‘ole Smooth Dog being here for him had made him able to actually sleep instead of waking up every five minutes?Buck felt a twinge of regret—he did miss his old seal team but it hadn’t been the same since Freddie had died and they’d all dispersed to different corners of the world.Something had changed in his commander with the loss of Buck’s mentor.Looking back, he kind of wondered if Steve and Freddie had something like he’d almost had with Eddie...which he wasn’t going to think about.

This was a weird time to be thinking of his seal days which were done and dusted.He couldn’t talk about them mostly anyway with civilians and he didn’t particularly want any of of his current coworkers to know what he used to do.He couldn’t go back and change any of his decisions—Buck knew that.Oh he’d learned that there were no do overs—the lawsuit and his current situation were great examples of that lesson.The definition of insanity was doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different outcome—he remembered Freddie telling him that.

He was going to be so stiff once he tried to move and the thought of how much stretching he’d have to do made him want to just curl up under the blanket and stay here all day. 

However, that wasn’t an option.He had a late shift today—working 1400 to midnight.

He should get moving—he had stuff he should do. Adult things like grocery shopping and laundry. Housework. Normal, adult things.

But the warning in his leg of how stiff he was going to be made him pause.

“Kid?”

Buck startled, arms flailing as he tried to turn over and his feet tangled in the blankets.He would have fallen off the low slung couch if it wasn’t for the pair of hands that stopped him. “Commander?” He asked, voice pitched embarrassingly high.

Lt Commander Steven McGarrett watched him flail in amusement, his lips quirked up but not outright laughing at Buck’s predicament. There was a touch of grey in Steve’s hair that was new but he was tanned and relaxed, movements smooth as he helped Buck move upright.It seemed that Buck’s hazy dream from last night was actually here. Trying to push away the helpful hands, Buck coughed to hide his embarrassment.

“You haven’t been taking care of yourself Buckaroo,” Steve chided gently.

Plucking at the duvet that belonged on his bed, Buck dropped his eyes.The flood of shame at Steve’s observation made his shoulders hunch inward. “It’s been a rough year.”

Steve’s touch to his jaw guided Buck to look up.The worry etched on Steve’s face made Buck’s insides curl but he tried to straighten up.Steve had been his first work-father and the man had instilled most of Buck’s discipline whereas his birth family hadn’t. He didn’t want to disappoint Steve like he had Bobby.

“Wanna tell me about it?”Steve’s voice was soft and cajoling, nonjudgmental. He hadn’t moved his hand which was holding Buck’s face so he couldn’t look away.Buck was both mortified by being forced to meet Steve’s eyes and wanted to just melt into a touch that was comforting.It’d been so long since someone had touched him in more than just a clinical, medical way.

“I’m fine now,” Buck insisted.Steve would be disappointed if he told him how things had spun so much out of his control. Buck really did have his shit together.Mentally he told himself he was back to work and he was dealing with it—would deal with it.He was tough and just had a bad day yesterday. He’d get through this. The motto of “the only easy day was yesterday” had taught him to regroup. 

He could do this.He just needed to remember that. Put yesterday’s disappointments behind him. Rebuild his walls and take cover.

The smell of coffee cut through his internal musings and he realized he’d been silent a bit too long.Steve’s look of amusement as he held out the cup of coffee made Buck duck his head.He took the proffered cup without comment, the hot scalding liquid with the slight oily edge to it from the added butter—bulletproof coffee, a seal team staple. He hadn’t had his coffee this way in years and the memory of Steve and Freddie introducing him to it caused another sharp pain in his chest.

He’d missed the camaraderie of his team so much—he’d thought he’d found it at the 118 but it had proven to not be the same.

“You know it’s okay to not be okay, right?Danno is always telling me that,” Steve said hesitantly as he took a seat on the edge of the couch cushions next to Buck’s feet. The older man stared into his own coffee cup, giving Buck time to gather his thoughts but was watching him out of the corner of his eye.This version of his commander being father-like made Buck miss what his relationship used to be with Bobby which, in retrospect, he realized he may have used to replace Steve and Freddie’s presence in his life.

God—he’d replicated his old seal team at the 118.Bobby was a mishmash of Steve and Freddie while Athena was definitely more like Freddie in his life. Hen was the male version of their old medic—who’d only ever responded to Doc—and Chim reminded him ofRed who’d been his spotter—always giving him shit about his aim like a big brother and getting into trouble with Buck that Steve claimed was giving him gray hair.

His Buck 1.0 life had been a response to being cut free from the team and needing the physical affection that he’d gotten used to after his relatively touch-free childhood and the only appropriate thing for a single adult non-military male was to date.You didn’t crowd in next to one another like you would in a fox hole in enemy territory or curl up for warmth like he’d done in multiple countries he couldn’t tell anyone he’d been in because it was classified forty ways from Sunday. Steve and Freddie had introduced casual familiar touch into his life and he’d been starved for it—no wonder he’d gone off the deep end as Buck 1.0.

“I know,” he finally answered Steve. “It’s just... life.Gotta live with your choices, right?”

Steve’s hand settled on his bad ankle, the touch like a hot brand as the fingers curled around it and felt the surgical scars that seemed hypersensitive all of the sudden. “Kid.”

He wasn’t going to cry.He knew he must have cried last night if it wasn’t a dream—and he still wasn’t clear exactly how much of what he remembered had actually happened. “I made my bed and I’m going to have to lie in it.”He took a sip of his coffee to avoid looking at Steve.

“Evan.” Shit.He was in first name territory. Steve never called him by his first name unless he was in deep trouble.It was always Kid, Buck, Buckaroo, Bucky or any of another half dozen nicknames that Buck got called by but never his given first name.

“I mean does it suck that I hurt my leg? Yeah it does. But I’m back to work so it’s all better. Just a few bumps in the road like a blood clot and—“ he picked up steam as he talked, trying to steamroll any objection Steve would have.

“Blood clot? What blood clot?”

_Shit shit shit._

Steve hadn’t known about the PE.

Buck fiddled with his coffee cup. “I had a pulmonary embolism—a PE.I’m on blood thinners.”

There was a brief pause and Buck dared to look up at Steve who was looking right at him, concern etched on his face. “Okay... I know enough to know those are bad.But you were cleared to go back to work?”

“I was.I just have to be careful—no cuts or anything cause I bleed a lot more than I used to on the meds.”Buck tried to reassure Steve but he could see the same worries that Bobby had expressed crossing Steve’s mind, displayed freely across his face. Steve was going to see him as a liability—same as Bobby.

Steve tilted his head as he processed the information. “So you just have to be careful?”

Relieved, Buck nodded and let his gaze drop to where Steve’s fingers were still stroking his ankle. “Yes.Just have to be careful. It’s not really that big of a deal.”

The hand rubbing up and down on his ankle was a huge distraction. It was warm and soothing, the skin underneath the calloused fingers hypersensitive to the touch. He didn’t want Steve to stop.

He felt pathetic for that thought but he didn’t ask for Steve to stop or pull away.

“Is the blood thinners a forever thing?”

“I don’t know.I have to get regular check ups and they decide if they want me to keep on them at each one.”The doc had been hopeful that eventually he could stop them—that they wouldn’t be for the rest of his life. Truthfully, he had been dreading the answer the last two check ups he’d had.So far he’d had to keep on them.

He dared another glance at Steve. The muscle in Steve’s jaw jumped as he clenched it in thought. “So you can work—do all the stuff you need to do?”

“Yeah.I mean,” Buck huffed in frustration and turned so he was looking out at his kitchen to try and calm himself but his eyes darted towards Steve to catch his reaction, “when they let me go on calls I don’t have any restrictions according to my doc.”

Steve looked at him sharply. “When they let you go on calls?”

Shit.He was slipping and giving Steve more ammunition. Backpedaling, he waved his hands to try and distract Steve and almost spilled hot coffee all over himself. “I mean I go on calls—“

“Just not very many of them.They’re leaving you behind,” Steve drew an accurate conclusion with a bare minimum of facts and suppositions. Buck _knew_ that Steve would understand how much being left behind _hurt_. And it wasn’t necessary—Buck was cleared for duty. He just needed to stay away from sharp objects when able. It wasn’t that big of a deal.... really.

He absolutely hated being left behind. Being excluded. He didn’t feel like part of the team most days anymore. Steve couldn’t learn about how he’d also become a social pariah amongst the members of the 118. That would be one disappointment too many to reveal.

“I go out on calls,” Buck added, defensively and took a gulp of his coffee that was still on the too hot side of things. Maybe if he just drowned himself in his coffee he’d be able to stop spilling his guts to Steve. He couldn’t look at the other man—the tightness in his chest becoming almost unbearable like something was trying to escape it.

“Hey,” Steve called, voice pitched comfortingly low. “Evan.”

Fighting the tremble in his lower lip, Buck finally looked back up at Steve as his former commander waited him out patiently. Steve had a look of tender kindness on his face that made a tremor race through Buck. He internally repeated over and over that he wouldn’t cry. He was a strong adult who didn’t....

A few tears escaped the corners of his eyes and his next breath was wet sounding as he couldn’t stop the sniffle.

Steve moved and embraced him, the strong arms encircling him and grounding him.Buck found himself burying his face in Steve’s neck as he silently cried.He’d been afraid to let anyone—even Maddie—see how much things had been tearing at him.Even Eddie... he couldn’t ask Eddie to let. him back in. His best friend was still hurt and he hadn’t been able to make amends enough even to see Christopher since he’d returned to work. It’d been so long without a comforting touch...

Steve made shushing noises that shouldn’t have been so comforting but they seemed to unleash the floodgates. That tight sensation in his chest that seemed to want to crawl out of his throat relaxed as he let his tears get absorbed by Steve’s t-shirt that he only could press into with greater insistence as Steve let him hide from the world for just a few minutes and take shelter.

Maybe ten or more minutes later, Buck finally felt like he was cried out.Steve was patient, waiting for him to indicate he was ready—Steve had always been like this. Freddie was the mom of the seal family clucking around him and Red like injured chicks but Steve had been the patient father who would wait them out.Buck had always found it odd that Steve was actually terrible with kids given how well he was able to handle his team. But then again what did Buck know about normal families?His hadn’t been for sure.

Pulling back, Steve let him go. There was still concern on Steve’s face but he wasn’t pressing in like Bobby probably would have pre-blood clot. Sniffling slightly, Buck looked at his hands in discomfort. “So why are you in LA?”

“Hondo called when he heard about the lawsuit. Was surprised I hadn’t already been by.”

Buck winced, fingers threading together to stop himself from fidgeting. “Yeah.... I didn’t think I needed to tell you.I was handling it.”

The weight of Steve’s hand on his shoulder was warm and comforting. “I know you were... but that doesn’t mean I won’t be here for you even if you don’t need it.”

Buck bit his lip and sniffled a second time, ignoring the slight sting of unshed tears. Steve would always come—he’d just resisted calling as it felt like he was intruding into his old commander’s life. “Thanks,” he finally settled on neutrally. “Thanks Smooth Dog.”

“Always kid,” Buck finally met Steve’s eyes again. There was a slight smile on Steve’s face that was comforting and reassuring. “How do you feel about breakfast?”

Fidgeting under the hand that hadn’t moved, Buck mentally reviewed what was in his fridge and cupboards. “Um... I might have eggs.”

“You cook?” Steve’s eyebrows lifted.Yeah... Buck may have been banned from cooking as a seal after managing to set a few MREs on fire.

“I’ve learned a lot of things since you last saw me,” Buck teased, trying to gather his scattered thoughts. “I can cook a few things.”

He might even have stuff for pancakes since he hadn’t had Christopher over in a while.

“Show me,” Steve dared.

A smile broke out on his face.He could do this. This wasn’t something he’d screw up.

***

Buck had more stuff in his fridge than he’d remembered. Some bacon, eggs and he’d had tomatoes, onion and spinach left over from another dish that he’d forgotten about that were still good to be used. Steve had followed him to the kitchen after calling and telling someone the few things they’d needed to complete breakfast—orange juice and more coffee. Buck hadn’t reached out to Hondo in ages but Steve assured him that the man was coming to breakfast. 

It made Buck uncomfortable to know that Hondo had been here last night and he hadn’t even noticed.He knew the SWAT officer and had briefly turned him down for a position on his SWAT team when he’d gotten into the fire academy.Hondo had laughed at him when Buck had informed him that SWAT could be his backup plan if firefighting hadn’t worked out.Buck hadn’t thought of the offer in ages and suddenly it reminded him that he had other options if he wanted them....

But he didn't’ need them.He had his job back.He just needed to figure out what he was going to do to make things better—to fix things.

The unexpected loud knock at his door startled him as he’d been cutting up the veggies to make omelets. Steve gave him a knowing look and went to answer the door. 

Staring at the vegetables that he’d been massacring, Buck took a deep breath and tried to relax his shoulders.He shouldn’t have startled like that—he thought he was done with that. Steve was going to think that he wasn’t as okay as he was if he didn’t get his act together.

“Do you always knock like that?” Steve groused at whoever was on the other side of the door.

“Sorry—habit. I may knock down too many doors,” said a familiar voice.

Daniel ‘Hondo’ Harrelson stepped into his apartment. It had a been a while but Buck found himself grinning as he listened to Steve and Hondo compare bad habits they’d developed working in law enforcement vs their respective military experiences.Steve’s amused jab about SWAT having destroyed Hondo’s stealth skills had Buck silently laughing as he finished dicing the tomatoes. Hondo purposefully stomped as he entered the kitchen, a bag of groceries in his hands.

“Kid? Where do you want this stuff?” Hondo asked as he gave Buck a clap to the shoulder in greeting.

“What’d you bring?” Buck nosed into the bag in curiosity. A packet of cheese, fresh herbs and a jar of salsa next to a pineapple that made Buck want to laugh as it had obviously been chosen because of Steve. It also looked like there was a loaf of fresh bread for toast and the fancy butter that came from the organic specialty grocery store that was too far away and expensive for Buck to regularly visit but knew that Steve had gushed over the last time he’d been in LA. 

“A bit of this and that—stuff for the picky eater amongst us,” Hondo teased, his elbow finding Steve’s ribs to nudge.There was an old joke there about pineapple and Steve that Buck didn’t totally get but found himself smiling at their antics irregardless.

Pouting in mock outrage, Steve sniffed. “You just don’t appreciate truly fresh food. I’ll take care of the pineapple you heathens.” 

Steve rescued the pineapple and then grabbed a clean knife from the rack to begin preparing it with a confident chop of the blade cutting off the spiky top. Buck eyed the bread and decided he’d toast it in the oven rather than the toaster—he liked it better that way—and started his oven. “What do you want on your omelet or are you okay with a quiche?” He asked Hondo as he thought about possible options, already knowing that Steve would eat whatever was put in front of him and Buck had made a pie crust for quiche yesterday before his shift that he hadn’t used yet.

Taking the order, Buck quickly prepped the eggs and added other ingredients for a quiche.Steve and Hondo watched him cook, talking about nothing but keeping up a steady stream of chatter that was soothing.Buck mostly just listened to the sounds rather than participating as he concentrated on making the food. 

Quiche mixed, he carefully poured the batter into the pie crust, shaking it slightly so it settled evenly before popping it in the preheated oven. He then reached for a different knife and deftly sliced the loaf of bread lengthwise before putting it on a cooking sheet after placing parchment paper down as a liner—ignoring the verbal jab of how fancy he was being. He had cooking skills and he wanted to show off and impress them with.He could be a good host.

“It makes for easier clean up,” Buck explained as he instructed Hondo to melt some of the butter and add chives to it.He was going for savory not sweet today and he wasn’t going to make avocado toast and give them more ammunition to tease him with that cliche but he wanted to use his skills and impress them—even if it might be a bit of an odd combination since he didn’t have any fruit spread to put on toast. 

Checking the quiche that was in the oven—he left the bread on top of the stove so it was ready to added for a slow method toasting about halfway through. Taking over the butter that Hondo had been mashing into submission, Buck tried to pay more attention to the chatter between the other two.

“—Danno was giving me a hard time because of the paperwork,” Steve’s grin implied that he really wasn’t that bothered by whatever his work partner had been complaining about.

Hondo’s answering grin was infectious. “Yeah the paperwork burden is terrible.Don’t tell me you make him do it all? If I was him I’d have chained you to a desk by now to make you do your own fair share.”

Steve mock pouted but his eyes danced with humor. “Danny’s just better at euphemisms and justifications.Last time I did the paperwork we had the governor’s aide threatening to withhold funding and Danny called me a ‘menace’.”

“You?A menace?” Hondo jibed back.

Steve rolled his eyes, looking at Buck for backup.“Does being a firefighter have as much paperwork?Surely they let you just take care of things and someone else can write the report?”

Buck shrugged as he absently dumped the cooking tools in the sink to begin cleanup—Bobby had been adamant that you should keep your area clean as you worked.“I do some but most of it the captain takes care of.”

“See,” Hondo prodded.“You’re in charge so you should take care of the paperwork.”

Steve rolled his eyes, crossing his arms across his chest defensively. “Danny’s just better at it.”

Buck found himself snickering, enjoying the back and forth banter.He’d missed this so much—it seemed like forever since he’d just been able to listen to a good-natured argument. The argument was interrupted by Steve’s phone vibrating excitedly and marching across the counter with the force of it.Steve managed to nab it right before it fell off the edge, answering with a clipped, “McGarrett,” without looking at the screen before his posture relaxed and the sing-song cooing of his partner’s name that made Buck’s heart ache, “Danno!”

Buck couldn’t hear the other side of the conversation but Steve’s face did an impressivescrewing up of his eyebrows and puffing of his cheeks in amused consternation.as he stood to get some privacy. “Danny,” he tried to interrupt whatever was going on but evidently lost as he let loose a squawk of protest and began to grumble into the phone in aborted attempt at stopping whatever his partner was saying.

Hondo distracted Buck from trying to listen in.“So how has it been?”

The deceptively neutral tone and arched eyebrow wasn’t fooling Buck at all.Hondo likely knew almost as much as Steve about his injury and the lawsuit—given he’d been the one to tip Steve off on it.“It’s been fine,” Buck tried to shut down the line of questions.

“Really?” Hondo drew out the syllables as he took a sip of his coffee.“That the answer we’re going with?”

Buck’s shoulders hunched slightly before he reminded himself not to give too much away.Hondo was a trained investigator and interrogator—he likely wasn’t really hiding much at all but Buck had his pride. “It’s better than it was,” he finally offered, swiping a cloth across the counter he’d already cleaned twice.

“Hmm,” Hondo hummed into his coffee but didn’t drop his gaze from Buck’s.“You everhave second thoughts about that job I offered you?”

Buck shrugged. “Sometimes,” he hedged. He hadn’t really thought about it recently but now he was at the reminder. But wouldn’t he just have the same type of problems at SWAT that he did at the 118?While he did know Hondo he didn’t KNOW him like he did Steve. Was Hondo just offering the job because of Steve? What happened when Buck did something wrong? He didn’t know if things would be any better than they were now.

“Hey,” Hondo’s brows had lowered in concern, his hand encircling Buck’s wrist to pull him out of his thoughts and made him realize he’d been spacing out.“Whatever you’re thinking—stop.”

Pulling free of the touch, Buck was at a loss of what to do with his hands. “Well if I don’t think I’m just going to screw up again.” He winced at how defensive that came out. “Sorry.”

Hondo frowned, his coffee abandoned as he folded his hands in front of him. “They’ve really done a number on you kid.”

“No they haven’t,” Buck defended reflexively. “I screwed up.”

Hondo paused, carefully picking his next words.“You know... in my experience there’s usually screw ups on both sides.”

Buck bit back his instinctive defense of his family. Bobby had been the one holding him back and he hadn’t told Buck.... “Maybe,” he allowed finally.

Tilting his head back, Hondo hadn’t stopped looking at him like a puzzle he was figuring out and it made Buck want to squirm even though he knew he wasn’t in danger.

The awkward standoff was interrupted by Steve returning.He had a big grin on his face, tucking his phone into the holster on his belt. “What?” Buck asked, instantly suspicious.

Steve tucked himself back into the bar stool he’d abandoned, hands curling around his coffee cup that Buck automatically refilled as a good host. “Danno was just updating me.”

“Updating you about what?” Alarm bells were sounding in Buck’s brain. The last time Steve had looked so self-satisfied he’d ended up on a hundred kilometer mud run up and down mountains carrying almost twice his body weight in a country that ended in ‘Stan dodging bullets, RPGs and a winter storm that had come way too early.He’d nearly frozen all his toes off on that one.

“Oh I asked him to push the paper work though,” Steve side-eyed Hondo and added, “I told you he was better at the paperwork stuff than I am.”

Hondo snorted into his coffee, pointedly not looking at Buck.

“What paperwork?”Yeah those weren’t alarm bells it was an air raid siren.

“The temporary transfer paperwork to borrow you.”

What?Buck’s brain stumbled to a halt trying to understand that last sentence.

“You’re going to borrow me?” Buck internally winced at the high-pitch his voice hit. “Can you even do that?”

Steve looked smug over the rim of his coffee cup.“Yes. It’s all taken care of.”

“And did you think to ask me if I was okay with this?”Buck wasn’t okay with this—was he?Maybe he was... but Steve should have still asked!Consent was important as Athena always reminded him.

Steve’s look quelled whatever further arguments Buck might have made. “Evan.”

Buck dropped his gaze to his countertop, biting the inside of cheek before he could say anything else.There was a fullness feeling in his throat that made it hard to swallow against.

So far deep inside his head, he hadn’t noticed that Steve had left his seat until he was engulfed in a firm hug.Steve’s arms were strong as the wrapped around him and pulled his face to hide in the other man’s neck. This was new—Steve had never been as tactile as Freddie but so many hugs in such a short period of time....maybe Steve just knew he needed them or retirement had changed his former commander.Buck’s brain was still stuck on that Steve wanted him to come with him.

Steve wanted him.

He’d felt so unwanted lately...

“Okay,” Buck said into the damp shirt underneath his face.“I’m in.You can ‘borrow’ me.”

Steve’s hand curling around the nape of his neck in acknowledgement made something in Buck’s chest unwind.He felt lighter than he had in a long time like he could finally take a deep breath—the first one in months.

***

_I keep playing your part_

_But it’s not my scene_

_Want this plot to twist_

_I’ve had enough mystery_

_Keep building it up_

_But then you’re shooting me down_

_But I’m already down_

_**Eddie** _

Bobby hadn’t known what to make of the two cops that had visited last night. He’d tried to calm Eddie’s reactionary panic about Buck by saying that the officers didn’t seem interested in Buck that way.Only that they needed to talk to Buck—and were very vague about their reasons.The officers hadn’t seemed worried when Bobby hadn’t known Buck’s exact whereabouts so Bobby thought that implied Buck wasn’t involved in anything too exciting—probably just a potential witness rather than a person of interest.

Eddie didn’t believe that Bobby believed what he was telling him or was purposefully downplaying it. The furrow between his brows and the way he’d kept glancing at his own phone and texting someone—likely Athena—all night made Eddie’s anxiety worsen. If Athena didn’t know anything about why another set of cops was looking for Buck...

The urge to pace had made sleep impossible. He’d just rolled in his bunk rather than sleep between calls. Eddie couldn’t leave in the middle of shift to check in on Buck and it tore at him. If he could just lay eyes on Buck and know he was fine....

Eddie wasn’t blind.He knew Buck was struggling but he hadn’t known how to reach across the gulf between them lately. Not without somehow making things worse. He didn’t know how to control his anger, keep things inside. He couldn’t make a mistake like he had at the grocery store—Buck would never let him close again if he did that. Eddie didn’t want to hurt Buck again.

Maybe he could just try texting? That was more under control.He’d composed five different text messages and then deleted them all unsent. How do you talk to your best friend who you’ve been at odds with for months? It wasn’t that it was awkward—it was more he didn’t even know where to start. ‘Hey Buck, how’s it going’ just didn’t seem like the right first thing to send to the man that tied Eddie’s guts into gordian knots on a daily basis. The absence of their usual banter, the way Eddie had pulled back out of fear of making just everything worse...

Just after midnight, a new fear had made his guts churn as it occurred to him.What if Buck was in trouble and he didn’t know because Buck hadn’t asked for help?What if Buck didn’t think he could tell Eddie because he had been an angry asshole and cut Buck off rather than fight more?He hadn’t wanted to hurt Buck more—hadn’t wanted to make the silence between them worse. Eddie had been struggling for his control, trying to keep everything from boiling over that even the fights hadn’t fixed things—were just a bandaid to help him keep things inside rather than boiling over.

He couldn’t hurt Buck and Eddie was terrified he’d lose control.Coming home from Afghanistan he’d almost lost control twice and this felt like it had then. He was just barely keeping himself in check.He couldn’t get in screaming fights with Buck like he had with Shannon.Eddie wouldn’t do that to Buck—he’d rather get himself beaten to a bloody pulp first in the street fights that didn’t stop him but at least gave temporary relief to his anger.

He was so unreasonably angry all the time.

He just wanted it to go away so he could try and fix his relationship with his best friend.

Now fear had replaced the anger and it made him feel frozen inside, the fire of his anger extinguished.

The slow and steady march of the work clock was torture as several small, non-exciting call outs happened but nothing that required a lot of skill as they were routine.Eddie left the moment he could after shift, barely waiting for the clock to strike noon before shucking his work clothes and switching to a hoodie and jeans. He even mostly obeyed traffic laws on his way over to Buck’s apartment. 

If Eddie could just see Buck, talk to him.... maybe he’d know what to say. How to bridge the gap between them. Eddie just needed to lay eyes on Buck and know that he was okay. That he wasn’t in trouble.That he was safe.

Then maybe he could breathe.

His mind just kept replaying Buck’s name like a mantra.

_Buck...Buck.... Buck... Buck.....Evan..._

_Please be okay_ —Eddie added like a prayer.

Arriving at the apartment complex, Eddie practically flew up the stairs despite having been awake for going on twenty-eight hours straight. Reaching the top floor, he ducked down the hallway to Buck’s apartment and drew himself up, taking a deep breath.His heart beat was fast and he couldn’t stop the feeling that each breath was too tight but his hand didn’t shake when he rapped firmly on the door, fingers already playing with the key Buck had given him.

It wasn’t Buck who answered the door.

Taller than Eddie, this wasn’t either of the men who’d come looking for Buck last night. Tall and lean, bearded and classically handsome in that distinguished, square jawed, silver fox way with an intensity to his dark eyes that pierced through Eddie. The man was wearing tactical pants and had a badge clipped onto his belt but he also had an emblem over his left chest—Los Angeles Police Department SWAT.

 _Dios_. What was SWAT doing in Buck’s apartment?

“Can I help you?” the man asked, cocking one eyebrow but otherwise studying Eddie across the threshold. His tone was measured, assessing and calm.Business-like.

“Is Buck home?” Eddie asked, unsure what else he could say and resisting the urge to press past the man into Buck’s home.

“No.Should I tell him you stopped by?” Was the mild reply, giving noting away.

Eddie’s tongue was thick in his mouth. “Yeah.Tell him Eddie wanted to talk to him.”

“Eddie??” the man prompted, asking for his last name.

“I’m the only Eddie he knows.”He wasn’t giving this guy his last name.If the man talked to Buck then Buck would know.Otherwise there was no reason for the man to pry.Eddie would try texting Buck—he didn’t like this.This guy shouldn’t be in Buck’s apartment who hadn’t even given his own name.“I’m sorry,” Eddie leaned forward, “What’s your name and why are you in my best friend’s apartment?”

The unnamed man leaned forward, putting his arm across the door to purposefully bar Eddie from trying to get past him.“I didn’t give it.”

“Well yeah?Who are you?”Hostility and anger started to leak into his voice. The anger that had been suppressed by anxiety had returned.Maybe Buck was here and this guy just wasn’t telling Eddie the truth.“How do I know that Buck isn’t here?Is he okay?Buck!”

The man grabbed Eddie before he could try to rush past him, his grip strong as he effectively pinned Eddie in a textbook perfect police maneuver against the opposite wall from the door. This guy was built like a brick shithouse—just like Buck—and had probably two or so inches in height and twenty pounds on Eddie that was mainly muscle. Trying to get out of the hold, the man grunted and then pushed Eddie more firmly into the wall. “How about we try this again, Eddie.Buck isn’t here and I don’t think he needs anyone yelling at him right now.So how about you calm down and think for a minute?”

Eddie glared at the man who didn’t have so much as a hair out of place but did have a slight strain to his muscles from holding him still. The grip was firm but the man hadn’t hurt him to pin him. “Buck isn’t here?He’s safe? Not in trouble?” He finally asked.

The other man cocked his head, studying Eddie for a moment before he slowly nodded and relaxed his grip. “He really isn’t here but he’s safe and not in any trouble.”

Eddie pulled himself fully away from the man to put some space between them.He briefly looked at the open door and didn’t see anyone else in Buck’s apartment. Bitting his lips, he looked back towards the SWAT officer who hadn’t stepped that far away.While he could probably make it into Buck’s apartment but it seemed like the guy was telling the truth. “Why are you in his apartment?”

“Buck is going to be gone for a while.I was asked to clean out the fridge for him,” the man offered after a pause.

“Gone for a while?” Eddie’s eyebrows and voice rose in disbelief. “Where is he going?”Why would Buck have this guy doing this?Eddie and Maddie both had keys to Buck’s place and would be the logical persons to ask. And Buck would tell them if he was going somewhere.

Right?

“It was short notice,” the man answered evasively, crossing his arms over his chest.“I’m sure you can text or email him and Buck will get back to you when he can.”

None of this was making sense—Eddie wanted to believe that Buck wasn’t in trouble but his heart was jumping in his chest it was beating so fast. Something was wrong with Buck even if this man wasn’t telling him. He needed to talk to, to see Buck for himself.

“If he comes home tell him to call me,” Eddie bit out finally.

The grey haired man nodded. “I’ll let him know you stopped by.”

Eddie just turned and left, feet dragging as he took the stairs down.

Climbing back into his truck, he balled his hands up on the steering wheel and just stared at Buck’s windows that looked out into the parking lot.He could see someone looking out through the window towards him—the SWAT officer was watching him.

The steering wheel creaked ominously under his grip, his worry ratcheting up another notch. Prying his fingers away, his hand was surprisingly steady as he pulled up Athena’s contact information on his phone and hit the call button.

“Eddie—to what do I owe the pleasure?” Athena’s voice was smooth, unworried.

He had the impression that she knew exactly why he was calling. Eddie cut right to the chase, biting out each word so his voice wouldn’t break. “What is SWAT doing at Buck’s apartment?”

Silence. “Could you repeat that?”Athena’s no-nonsense order was brittle with worry.

“There’s a guy with a badge wearing a SWAT uniform shirt in Buck’s apartment and Buck’s not _here_.” Eddie barely was able to get out the last three words.Buck wasn’t here...

Another long silent pause.

“Eddie—I’m going to do some checking.I know you haven’t slept because my husband hasn’t. You’re going to go home and sleep.I will check into this and get back to you.”

“Buck,” Eddie’s voice broke on his best friend’s name. “We haven’t been talking and he’s gone....”

“I would have heard if he was in trouble. You need to sleep Eddie.”

“But Buck—“

“Eddie,” Athena’s voice had slid back to her confident no-nonsense self. “Sleep.I will find out what there is to find out.”

He wanted to protest more but he knew that Athena was making more sense than he was at this point. The anxious mess in his chest made it hard to breathe. “I need to know he’s okay....”

“And I will make sure he is,” Athena assured him. “Call me when you wake up.”

His breathing was coming in sharp bursts, chest tight. “I haven’t talked to Buck,” he managed to protest. “I just need to know he’s safe.”

Athena’s pausewas just long enough for Eddie to completely startle when there was a knock on his window that almost made him drop his phone.

Staring at him through the glass was the gray haired SWAT officer, mouth slightly turned down. He helpfully pointed down to indicate to Eddie to roll down the window.

Unsure what else to do, Eddie did so.

The man leaned forward, resting his elbows on the doorframe and brow furrowed. If Eddie knew him better he’d almost say the guy looked worried. “Are you okay?”

Eddie nodded hesitantly. 

This wasn’t as reassuring as Eddie meant it to be as the man’s frown deepened. Athena’s voice in his ear asked what was going on. “Athena the guy he’s—“

The man held out his hand expectantly.“Let me talk to them.”

Looking back and forth between the man’s hand and his phone, Eddie hesitated. “Eddie?” Athena’s calling of his name and the man’s look made him hand over the phone.

“Hi.Who am I speaking with?”The man’s gaze didn’t drop from Eddie’s, eyes dark yet somehow gentle. Eddie’s breathing still wasn’t any easier. “I’m Sergeant Deacon Kay—yes SWAT.My team leader is Harrelson.”

Eddie had a name—but he didn’t recognize it other than to label the man with it. Sergeant Kay cocked his head as he listened to Athena, eyes still focused on Eddie. “Yes Officer Grant.I understand that but all I can tell you is that Mr. Buckley has been reassigned by request of a different law enforcement team and that the chief and mayor both signed off on it.”

Even from this distance Eddie could hear that Athena said a lot of something in response to that and he winced in sympathy as Deacon straightened slightly and shoulders rolled back as his spine flexed. “Yes ma’am. I am not allowed to disclose that without further permission from my commanding officer or the Chief of Police.”

Eddie’s ears prickled with each tidbit of information. Buck had been reassigned? Willingly or not?Who had the ability to reassign a firefighter—and to what kind of unit?Buck was a firefighter—he’d had a string of other odd jobs like most guys but the only long term job or skill Buck possessed all had to do with their job.Buck would never give up being a firefighter—hadn’t that been what the lawsuit had been about?

“I understand that officer and if I could tell you more I would.I can tell you that Mr. Buckley was physically in fine shape when I last saw him and understood what was being asked of him and he was willing to do so.” 

Eddie’s hands curled around the steering wheel until his knuckles were white and the bruises across them that had dulled to an ache flared. Sergeant Kay had seen Buck.Buck had been fine... but was he really?How would Sergeant Kay know?

Athena evidently had more to say and Sergeant Kay listened patiently to her, making a few humming noises of agreement and occasional ‘yes ma’am’s’.Sergeant Kay’s dark eyes never left Eddie and it, somehow, was reassuring.He struck Eddie as being a lot like Bobby in the way that he spoke with Athena, how he carefully worded his responses—respectful but trying to be reassuring. It still didn’t mean that he might not be being completely truthful about Buck but Athena wasn’t showing up with sirens blaring either.

The phone call wound down and Sergeant Kay handed it back to Eddie. Raising it to his ear, he could hear his name. “Athena?”

“Sergeant Kay is a friend of a friend. If he says Buck is okay I’m going to believe him—for now.”

Athena paused, seemingly waiting for Eddie to reply. “Okay.”

“So Eddie—I need you to go home and get some sleep.I promised I’ll keep digging and I will. But you need to get some sleep and you’ll be thinking clearer when you wake up. Do you understand me?”

“Yes.”Sergeant Kay was still watching him, gaze patient. “I hear you.”

“That doesn’t sound like you’re agreeing to get some sleep,” Athena observed drily. “I mean it Diaz.”

“I was going home,” Eddie half-heartedly protested.

“Mm-hmm,” Athena’s doubt came through loud and clear.“Home.Now. Do not stop anywhere.”

“Yes _mom_ ,” Eddie rolled his eyes which made Sergeant Kay’s lips quirk up in amusement.

“Don’t you sass me,” Athena warned him.“Home. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yes Athena,” Eddie said goodbye, tone somewhat more apologetic but not much.

Sergeant Kay hadn’t moved. “Are you okay to drive?” He asked, eyes concerned. He hadn’t moved back and it would be rude of Eddie to roll up his window before he stepped away.

“I’m fine,” Eddie insisted.He just... he was so tired. He wanted to see Buck but that wasn’t an option and between this guy and Athena he just wanted to curl up on his bed and figure out what to text Buck that might not frighten him away. Christopher was at school and then Carla was going to pick him up for a few hours before bringing him home so Eddie could get a few hours of sleep. His brain and his heart both hurt he was so tired and missing Buck.

Sergeant Kay didn’t look like he believed Eddie.“Scoot over.I’ll drive you home and then get a ride back here. You look like you’re two seconds from falling over.”

“I’m fine,” Eddie tried to protest but he hadn’t locked the door and it opened when Sergeant Kay pulled on the latch and repeated the command for him to move it. In a standoff, Eddie finally gave in with a scowl and scooted over to the passenger seat, bumping his elbow and hissing at the pain that ran up his arm.

Closing the door with just enough force to not be fully slammed, Sergeant Kay buckled in and started the engine but waited until Eddie had fastened his own seat belt before reversing out of the parking space. He calmly took instructions from Eddie who was slumping further and further into his seat as they drove the ten minutes to his own house.Sergeant Kay even made sure that Eddie got in the door before handing him his own truck keys and repeating Athena’s orders, “Get some sleep.”

Eddie could only watch in misery as a black SUV pulled up to the curb within a minute to pick up Sergeant Kay. It wasn’t either of the men from the night before that picked him up but a young guy who peeked at Eddie around Sergeant Kay and gave him a jaunty wave before pulling away with a screech of tires as soon as the door shut.

Closing his front door, Eddie leaned his forehead against the cool wood as he flicked the lock. The fatigue he’d been fighting seemed to make his body feel like it weighed a thousand pounds and his eyes closed against his will.

 _Dios_ , he silently prayed, _please watch over Evan wherever he is. Let him be okay._

***

_Well, if I was in your position_

_I’d put down all my ammunition_

_I’d wonder why it had taken me so long_

_But Lord knows that I’m not you_

_And if I was I wouldn’t be so cruel_

_‘Cause waiting on love ain’t so easy to do_

_**Danny** _

Danny tried not to pace—it made Kono twitch from where she was lounging against the hood watching him—but he gave in about five minutes before Steve’s flight was landing.They’d parked in the fire lane and airport security hadn’t even bothered to slow down when they’d seen the plates they were so used to seeing 5-0’s vehicles there and knew there was no use trying to get them to move.

Danny had taken Steve’s monster truck instead of his camaro given the short text Steve had sent him that told him to prepare for company and Kono had come along after she and Chin had heard that Steve was coming back.Chin was mysteriously busy and Danny hadn’t pressed—there was only room for about four people in the truck anyways.

Steve hadn’t replied to Danny’s question of what kind of guest—but he assumed it was the mysterious nephew that he’d pushed through paperwork through the governor’s office about.

Also, Danny had access to Steve’s HPD email since he’d been left in charge and he’d seen the link.It didn’t take his years of detective experience to guess what was going through Steve’s mind about the kid.

The news clip had been revelatory.

He’d watched it over and over.This nephew.... this kid... he’d had a life-altering injury and then tried to go back to work and he’d had to file a lawsuit to do so.Danny could appreciate that—he understood what it meant to have a calling that was so much a part of you that it would be like suffocating or losing a limb to have it taken away.If he couldn’t be a detective anymore?You might as well put a bullet in him. 

He was both too young and too old to have a second career now. 

His own brief google search on the name and in the background databases hadn’t revealed anything else interesting—kid was clean. Non-interesting Facebook profile that was typical of any twenty-something single male without any red flags and didn’t have a lot of posts the last year to six months or so. No Tinder or Grindr account—which was maybe unusual or suggested the kid had been in a relationship that wasn’t suggested on his Facebook account. The kid’s Instagram account was locked down and set to private so Danny hadn’t been able to peruse it.

He hadn’t given the name to Chin or Kono though—something stopped him. Maybe it was because this kid was something close to family to Steve and he’d barely mentioned him.Which bugged the ever living shit out of Danny.

Who was this kid?This “nephew”?

Evan Buckley—Buck. Kid.Not a blood relative. Danny hadn’t pulled his service records as that would have required involving/asking someone else.Someone Steve had known in his seal days—who had been part of his team. A seal team that had gone on a lot of missions that were so heavily classified (according to Steve) that they couldn’t be talked about or even vaguely referred to.Even when they were relevant to a case that 5-0 caught Steve would only dole out each nugget of information a bit at a time.

Sighing, Danny ran his hands through his hair which had been disturbed by the breeze coming off the ocean just on the other side of the runways.The humidity of late afternoon had wrecked the hold of his careful gelled back look and the wind had done the rest. The smell of jet fuel exhaust and the noise of the airport pulled at him as he paced ten strides north, a turn and then ten strides south, turn and repeat as his mind did the same with the small amount of facts he had.

He’d felt unsettled the last day since Steve had flown out, unmoored.He could admit to himself that he didn’t like it when Steve wasn’t on the same island as him—and it wasn’t just because of the whole North Korea thing either.

Danny hated that if Steve needed backup he was too far away to be there immediately. He should be _with_ Steve.That’s what partners _did_.

The stream of people coming and going, the tourists mostly headed for either the taxi stand, rental cars or bus stop increased.A few people were being picked up right in front with excited reunions and hugs happening, the traditional leis placed around their neck welcoming them to Hawaii.Danny continued pacing, his eyes locked on the escalator that came down past the Aloha welcome to Hawaii sign to where they were waiting.The alert Danny had set to announce that Steve’s plane had landed buzzed on his pocket but he didn’t look at it.Steve would know where to come and find him.

Ten minutes later, the stream of people had decreased and Steve finally appeared right when Danny was about ready to abuse his badge to get past security. Steve had a man following in his shadow just a step behind, both of them with large duffle bags slung over their shoulders.

They walked exactly the same—their gait in sync and bodies turning to keep an eye on their surroundings.A shiver worked it’s way down Danny’s back—he’d seen this behavior from Steve before and it’d usually been precipitated by people like his mother setting him up for trouble. Steve quickly saw Danny and headed straight for him, his posture relaxing slight as he hiked the bag up higher on his shoulder while beckoning the other man to follow.

“Danno!” Was the enthusiastic greeting and Danny found himself being engulfed in a bear hug by Steve.The quick way Steve ducked his head into his neck made Danny’s head spin as their cheeks pressed together tighter than usual for them. Steve’s grip was tight and he didn’t immediately release Danny—which made him internally pause.Something had to have rattled Steve if he was being this clingy in public. 

Kono’ s greeting of “Bossman” was muted as Danny finally extricated himself from Steve who was just as reluctant to release him. Steve went to greet Kono with a hug leaving Danny to look more closely at Steve’s shadow.

Blond hair that was cut close on the sides and longer on top with a bit of a curl to the ends over handsome features that were notable for the pair of birthmarks next to and over the left eye. Tall—taller than even Steve, lanky and a solid wall of muscles that didn’t distract Danny from noticing how the shoulders hunched slightly to make himself smaller when the kid noticed Danny’s attention. Bright sea blue eyes were cautious as they met Danny’s, hands fiddling nervously with the straps of the duffle.The kid’s eyes darted to Kono and gave a nervous smile as Steve proceeded to introduce him.He reminded Danny of a kicked puppy more than a hardened navy seal but Danny hadn’t forgotten the way he’d walked or fallen into Steve’s blind spot seamlessly to defend it.

“This is Evan Buckley—Buck.Buck this is my partner Danny Williams and another member of 5-0 Kono Kalakaua.The other part of our team is Chin Ho Kelly and he’s out doing something for me so you’ll meet him tomorrow.”

“Hi,” Buck waved his hand awkwardly, feet shuffling where he stood.

“Welcome to Hawaii,” Danny said at the same time Kono gave a semi-enthusiastic “Aloha.” 

Danny instantly felt bad for not buying one of the overpriced leis to hang around the kid’s neck—he looked like he was unsure of his welcome and Danny could see how Steve’s aneurysm-face made a brief appearance before he hid it behind a fake smile. Kid noticed it too by how he dropped his gaze to the duffle bag in his hands—he could read Steve better than most which was interesting. Even Kono and Chin didn’t always catch Steve’s mood like the kid was zeroing in on it.

Steve steamrolled right through the awkwardness, slinging his arm around Buck and pushing him towards the truck.“Throw your bag in the back and we’ll get going. You’re staying with me.”

Buck didn’t protest but snapped forward as ordered, snatching the second duffle from Steve’s hands. Danny met Kono’s eyes and raised an eyebrow, inclining his head towards the kid. Kono’s eyebrows shot up as she watched Buck easily dump his bag in the bed of the truck as Steve relieved Danny of the keys. The bags made impressive thumping noises as they settled, indicating that they were heavy and the kid had just tossed them effortlessly, single handedly. Kono mouthed “wow” at Danny and all he could do was shrug in response.

Steve slid into the driver’s seat and Danny tried to get Buck to take the passenger seat but the kid shook his head emphatically.“No.I can sit in back. You should sit with Co—Steve,”\ he said, eyes flicking to the side and taking in Steve’s reaction as well as Danny’s. 

The kid was really nervous and wanting to please everyone and face darkening slightly as he fidgeted, waiting for a reaction but expecting someone to be unhappy. Steve also caught Buck’s expression and the brief hardening of his eyes clued Danny in that this was new behavior that Steve didn’t like.

Danny’s heart maybe sort-of broke slight at this.What had happened in LA since the accident to cause such uncertainty? 

Danny’s imagination ran rampant at that thought given the kid had filed a lawsuit... yeah.Danny could imagine what kind of reception he’d gotten on returning to work and it probably made his own experiences at HPD when he’d first started look like a cakewalk.At least Danny had only been a haole—kid had probably been public enemy number one with all his former friends treating him like Chin had been treated by HPD.

Chin was going to love the kid for that alone. Danny could get behind this if only for Steve’s sake but he had a feeling the kid was going to be reason enough by himself.Kid reminded him strongly of a younger, more impressionable Steve before the navy had gotten ahold of him (Danny was convinced that Steve had at one point in his life been a golden retriever before being made into a pit bull by the navy).Kono would adopt the kid on Chin’s behalf too even if he was a mainlander like Danny.

As he climbed into the truck after Buck, Danny met Steve’s eyes. “Babe,” he said, communicating in one word his concerns.

Steve got it and gave a small nod. “Thanks Danno. Let’s get Buck home and then you can catch me up on what I missed.”

Danny let himself wind up into a nonsensical argument with Steve about nothing in particular.The patterns of their arguments so well worn into his consciousness that he only had to pay it half attention to keep up the snappy repartee.In the rear view mirror, he could catch glimpses of Buck staring at them wide-eyed, hands clutching his seatbelt and then the grab bar as Steve took a corner a bit faster than was advised but he wasn’t surprised by Steve’s driving like most people were.

Kono tried to engage the kid but he was mostly just watching Steve and Danny have one of their infamous ‘carguments’ that Kono had learned to tune out. The one word answers made the discussion in the back seat fall into silence as they neared downtown and the traffic came almost to a standstill.

Letting the argument slow down and then fade, Danny turned in his seat to look at Buck.The kid tried to hide it but he tensed when he had Danny’s full attention. “So Buck—how long has it been?”

“Been since what?” The kid didn’t take the bait and give Danny anything to go on.

Smart.

“Since you and Steve were last running around together?”

Kid shrugged but he deflected well—just not as good as Steve. A Steve-in-training maybe. “A few years—been almost two years since we last saw each other when he did a layover at LAX.”

Steve’s hands jerked slightly on the wheel making Danny look at him. The small, barely there shake of the head was a warning to back off.

“So it’s been a while then.I’m sure you’ll fit right in.”

The sadness and slight flinch was just noticeable if you were watching for a reaction. “Yeah.Hopefully I fit right in.”

Danny didn’t need to see Steve’s response.He got it—kid needed a place to be safe and fit in.They could do that for one of Steve’s ~~mini me’s~~ men. “I think you’ll do fine,” Danny told him and he could see it. A sense of protectiveness bloomed in Danny as he realized why Steve was so focused on the kid—he really was like a young Steve.

“You’ll do fine with us kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Sitting, Waiting, Wishing by Jack Johnson.

**Author's Note:**

> This work inspired by all the other Navy Seal Buck fics out there—here’s my version of things. Some purposeful vagueness and shenanigans on timelines as I haven’t watched 5-0 in ages and never made it past about season five or so. Not beta read so all errors that remain are mine. 
> 
> Lyrics are from All at Once by Jack Johnson
> 
> This work will likely be slow to update as it’s not my first priority for finishing but I always intent to finish works (it just might take a year or more). 
> 
> Comments and kudos loved.


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